Recently I’ve been fortunate enough to shift from an office based office, to a home based office.  It feels for lack of more profound sounding words, weird.  We’ve been trained to do things in certain periods of time.  For years routines have been drilled into us;  you must do this, arrive at this time, sit there for this amount of time.

I am an okay employee. I’m not their top producer, I lack that passion and drive that upper managers posses, but I’m not their worst employee. I’m personable, dependable, driven and focused. I’m just not passionate about the corporate side of life. I’m a people person, that’s it.

So being at home on company time is, well, weird.

I’m sitting here with bed head, hideous orange shorts and an incredibly unattractive yellow tank top. I have no shoes on,  I’ve done nothing with myself. I think I put deodorant on last night, but I’m not sure.

I’ve brushed my teeth ( but not my hair, I have very curly hair so to brush it would transform me into a white Diana Ross).  I can’t actually recall if I washed my face or not and I’m very well fed.

I’ve already accomplished the tasks I had laid out for myself today. It’s 11 AM.

Do I put more time in and diminish my seriously low-level productivity I’ve presented them for years? OR show I am capable of more in my home based office? Clearly not socializing has its benefits. I’m way too productive!

Most of my days I am scheduled into a training session. I run product or skill based corporate training either via Webex – an online classroom, or, face to face sessions.  I love my job.

I did not expect that at this phase of my life I would have this opportunity to work this way.  I feel so…relaxed.  I am no longer the fire-breathing dragon spazing all over my children as I have four milliseconds to get out the door to beat traffic to get to the office to log in on time.  I can just walk over and log in now while my coffee is brewing.

The down side, I don’t feel this sense of urgency with anything now really.  My manic go-go person had me doing everything as fast as humanly possible to get to the next objective. Now, no worries man….it’ll happen.

I’m gardening on my lunch hours.  I’m working out a few times / week.  I’m cutting the grass on lunch hour once a week. My weekends are so calm as I’m not rushing to get things done – they are done. I’ve been tackling them one by one daily during the week and suddenly – there’s a lot more time for Rum punch!

That said, I spend last week researching meditation and am starting to set aside time to meditate daily now. I want more. I want depth. I don’t just want to feel well or eat well, I want to BE well. All of me, including my soul.

I’m one week away from my 38th birthday and I feel so…peaceful. If this is the pace of the next chapter in my life – I love it. I can’t wait to see who I can grow into.  I’m starting to live my life on purpose and with this weird but awesome sense of self.

I can lift and push more than I thought I could in my workouts (still loving pressing more than some of the boys are and with proper form ha ha).  I’m at a fantastic place in my career. My kids are growing into amazing little people. I’m doing less of what has been instilled in me (the “you should”) and more of the living in the moment with the present me.

Bottom line, I’m realizing something. We have so much more power and control over our lives than we acknowledge. We control how things play out, we just have to play our cards smarter.  I’m playing strategically now, in my best interest.  I’ve realized, at long last, I’m worth it.

Courtesy of google