Momma had a meltdown……….

You know, this kind of feels like my confessional from time to time. Once upon a time I would have to conclude this confession with the stations of the cross, however, today, it’s going to be with an intense workout.

We had another nanny candidate attend the house for an interview last night.  I knew in the first moment that it wasn’t going to work out. I felt my heart racing, my stomach turning and I just wanted to bust out bawling as I have only a few weeks to go. How are my kids going to form any kind of relationship before I return to work if we don’t get someone in place….now????.

After she left I did something I totally regret. I inhaled (not just ate as I don’t recall actually tasting them) 3/4 of my hubby’s secretly stashed (except I knew where they were) Lays Ketchup chips (my homemade Kale chips didn’t appeal – go figure!).  I feel so bloated and gross this morning.  I would have chewed my finger nails in lieu of this emotionally charged binge except they are already gone.  It was chips or a full bottle of wine. At least I am not hung over today….if that is a bonus.  For the first time in  years, I am craving cigarettes. I’d probably fall over from the head rush one drag in but seriously,  the stress is causing me to seek out vices I’ve ended relationships with.  If this nanny doesn’t fall into place soon my ars may explode from caloric overload. Either that or I will be a chain-smoking maniac within days!!

via Google

It’s time for the P90x mission of the day to begin.  I have some serious work to do to cleanse myself of last night’s overdose of crapatolia food.  Only a few days until pics and measurements and the 3rd phase of this program begins. I am excited, just have to stop diving into food for relief of my emotional stress!

What do you reach for in your moments of stress?

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2 Comments

  1. Julie

     /  February 23, 2012

    One of the biggest things I need to work on is to be a little bit nicer to myself. I have a terrible habit of just brutally beating myself up when things go astray. So you went astray. It happens. We need to move forward, one meal at a time, one workout at a time. You can not change the past, you can not change the future, you only have control over right now. Keep up the great work, Nikki….because it is great work that you are doing.

    Reply

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