A big fat sinner?

It seems no matter what age you are, you will feel like a child the second you have disappointed your mother.  I felt this recently.  My very catholic mother is mourning my choice not to have my eldest partake in the ceremony of the first holy communion. I felt like the sky was going to part and I would actually be blasted by lightening. She was mortified and crushed in one millisecond. 

We don’t practice. I thought it to be really hypocritical of us to just join in when we celebrate our spirituality differently.  Aside from funerals and weddings (not mine – was city hall, another devastation. I was five months pregnant. Huge sins, wasn’t repenting), I haven’t been to church in about fifteen years. 

Once upon a time Sundays consisted of early morning mass. That evolved into my sister and I pretending to go on Saturday’s at 5pm while in our teens once I was licensed to drive . Our thinking – cover ourselves off. We’d pull up to the church, she’d run inside and grab the bulletin so we had evidence of at least being at the church…. and head around the corner and spend the next hour smoking cigarettes in that park’s parking lot. 

I’ve just never really been back.  I didn’t feel very spiritual there. I’ve found a new way to connect to my spirituality that has changed the way I experience my faith. 

Hopefully I’m not screwing it all up. Like many other times and through many other choices…it’s a crap shoot. You just hope it all works out alright. 

I’ll find out…. one day!! 

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Courtesy of Google

I did it, and the world didn’t end!

Who knew I could do it. I went a whole day without texting, logging on or such. The world didn’t end, no tragedies unfolded,  and…the kiddos were so happy to be with me! Holy ego boosting, I should have put my phone down a while ago.  It’s amazing how positive the kids are when they realize the whole focus is on them vs shared with gizmo’s and gadgets galore. 

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courtesy of google

We all have them, those friends who you get together with who never put their phone away. It may have taken weeks to dedicate time to get together and there they are, texting away to others while your live ass is right in front of them. I cannot stand it. I find it to be so rude and inconsiderate, especially when I’ve dragged myself out (when really I just wanted to pop the big bra off and get in my jammies!).  

What I didn’t realize was how often I’ve been like that around my kiddos. My hubby will text me, my friends and while I am making dinner or whatever I’m reading and replying with my live little monkeys around me. What message am I sending them?

My folks, their folks, my friends and cousins (same age or older-the younger ones would “die” if they did this apparently) all survived without being this connected. We were ok with waiting for letters to take a week to get to each other and feverishly wrote back excited about the reply that would come in a few weeks. Who knew what could unfold in that gap? Well now, there is no gap. If someone farts they have a status update about it….you know what’s going down in almost real time. 

I’m keeping screen-less Sundays (my hubby is still dealing with his addiction and cannot fully commit at this time LOL). IF people want to reach me, they have to use that old fashioned land line OR get in their car and come see me. It ‘s a crazy wild idea, I know…but I’m liking it….

Has anyone else taken this plunge?  What did you realize?

 

Wishing you a wonderful Monday,

Cheers!

Nicole  

 

To be online or not to be online….

I’ve been struggling with the volume of screen time I’ve been taking as of late. I have actually caught myself ignoring live  beings to read a few news headlines or status updates. It’s so rude, I don’t tolerate it of others and yet this is exactly what I’ve been doing. Not all the time, but I caught myself today in lieu of playing with my kiddos responding to a non-urgent or relevant text. It was just joking around with a friend and I think I should have picked up the phone to chat live vs just fired off an awesomely witty one liner ( i was quite creative if I do say so myself ha ha).  I am constantly talking about being present, committing to the people in front of you. There were my kiddos waiting for me…and I was texting.

Ultimate hypocrite, that’s my deserved title.

That said, I am working on it! Tomorrow is Sunday and I’ve promised my kiddos, spouse and self that there will be no cell phones, no emails, no anything electronic. We may have a family wii battle – but that’s about it.  We have sunny skies with warm weather in the forecast, there is no reason to be indoors or online.

So why am I so freaked about being offline?

I tell my clients to log off and go play, I’m overdue in consistently taking my own advice.

GOPLAY

How much time do you commit to being offline / week?

Cookin’ with Kids

I have clients who comment about my ability to juggle the work do, the kiddos, my practice, my hubby (aka fourth child) and my obsessive compulsive need to prepare all our food myself etc. The usual question being “how do you do it?”. There’s no magic trick over here and I don’t have any quick fix solutions. It’s not easy peasy all the time BUT when something is important to you, you just make it work.
I could either snap and become the spazy frothy fire breathing villian in the kitchen (I say this from experience – I scare myself ha ha!), OR I could crack open a bottle of wine and find something to laugh about ( my usual way of handling said moments).
A few moments after this was taken the cheese sauce hit the table and my reward of three quiet kids inhaling dinner began.
At least it’s Friday. This means for two days I can pass this job off to my hubby…wahoo. Love the weekends!!
Happy Friday!
Be well.

Vino…..

I was standing in the school yard the other morning yapping with a friend whose children attend the same school.  Somehow or another we got talking wine.

It makes me smile when I think of how many conversations I’ve had lately wherein wine came up. We start off talking like we are modest consumers…and then somehow a few minutes later we are both confessing to multiple bottle experiences on multiple occasions per week. 

I’ve lied to every Doctor I have about the volume of vino I consume. When I confess to 7-10 glasses per week they are mortified and review how women absorb and react to alcohol differently than men and thus I am to proceed with extreme caution. Yet regardless of the warnings and/or my bodies own physical revolt to my behavior…it continues. I really, really enjoy it.

I work by day and many times night (coaching practice is growing YAY), parent by evening and then once the lunches are made, kiddos are asleep, toys tidied, laundry folded (and maybe on a really, really good day put away the same day)…I plop my butt on the couch. Directly beside me, my partner in crime AKA my husband. He is a custom cabinet maker by day and usually is unable to even take ten minutes as a break or space to himself upon arrival home. He’s the victim of absence. I work from home. They see me. He works at the shop….they miss him. He walks in the door and BLAM….like flies on flypaper.  For me it is absolutely awesome and I count down the minutes until he arrives. I smile, ask about his day and know full well I will likely never hear the full response as the kids are already attacking him.  It’s our little routine and it completely works for me….the calm before the dinner storm. 

Some days the wine opens at five. Oh who am I kidding, most days there’s wine at 5.  That’s when I am preparing dinner with three children hanging off me….picking at what I am preparing. Some days openly whining while I prepare it about their displeasure with my selection or a want for something I don’t have in the house. Like Salmon. I really dislike fish.  I can’t cook it. The smell puts me right over the edge and then I can’t eat it. It has to be BBQ’d to keep the cooking of fish smell out of the house….. 

I know some will be reading this thinking OMG She is a total alcoholic. By their standards I guess I am. What makes me feel better about it is that I’m totally not alone. I’m really quite normal by comparison to those around me. They are good people!! So am I…. besides…when I use my big goblets…it’s just a glass a day…….

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via Google

A game changer…

Clearly I am leaning towards more the of the sucking side in terms of having lived up to my promise to self to blog more.

I made a few such promises to myself. One being blogging, I do love writing. The second being exploring different ways of working out. I’ve grown away from the gym environment lately.  I love weight training, I’m just not digging the gym itself.  And so I have been. It’s been fun. My third, my game changer is this:

Play More

 

Two simple words have changed the way I am experiencing my life.

I am really enjoying my time. I’m relaxing on things that used to make me uptight ( laundry) and just giving myself permission to take time out and play. The kids and I have ” wii battles”.  They may be six and seven but they are fair game when it comes to wii!

We’ve been enjoying board games or just playing outside in the snow. Regardless of what I’m ignoring in order to create time to do this, I’m really happy right now. I know in a blink of an eye these moments will pass. I see my eldest already wanting more time with her friends vs her amazingly cool mom.  It’s going to happen and there isn’t much I can do about that. That said, there is much about what I can do now. And so I am, one playful moment at a time.

I’m really grateful I took the time out to write for myself today. That said, I’m anxious to log off and get back to playing. Just writing about it confirms that this new motto is changing the way I feel about my life. I’m experiencing it, not just navigating through it.  This is new for me. It’s my new norm…I’m absolutely loving it.

Log off time!

Wishing you a wonderful and playful day,

N.

2012

When I sit here and think about last year, what an adventure!

It started off amazingly. We took our first ever family vacation to Disney in Florida. Awesome.

Shortly after we returned we discovered my hubby has cancer. Skin cancer. The same as his father who passed away from cancer.  Not so awesome.

My colicky baby finally stopped screaming – THANK THE LORD – ALL LORDS!

I returned to work post mat leave – semi awesome depending on what’s happening. I miss being at home focused on only the kiddos.

I began and completed my courses for coaching.

I opened my practice and began certifying myself as a coach.

I discovered something about myself. I’ve been struggling with what it is I wanted out of my workouts/my physical self. I’ve previously always had specific image related/strength related goals. I can sculp myself into what I choose, but the results weren’t coming. My effort inconsistent  I realized it isn’t really my goal anymore. I don’t care about that, I see through it. I recognize the behavior and mindsets within myself that are damaging. Not just to me, but to my children, society at large. I am participating in something I don’t truly believe in – fitness. Wellness – yes. What is now identified as “fitness”, NO.
I’ve grown tired of seeing women working out in bikini’s with curves that cannot be made by Momma Nature herself with headlines like “fit women can be curvy”.  I am cautious on how I present this material as this is a non-judgmental statement and yet people I adore may be offended by my statements.  That is not my intention.  It’s how women in “fitness” are being presented and what women are sculpting themselves into that worries my soul.
What it is is that I want more for us. I know we are worth just as we are, we don’t need anything else. We don’t need boobs, tinted eyelashes, laser treatments, botox… We just need to be okay with ourselves. We are damaging our souls by following this path.
And so in this 2012 adventure of mine I have created my way of participating in change. If you believe in something and it’s cause and fail to take action on it why bother thinking it? It’s just a random passing thought then….
I have stopped acting mindlessly and started living on purpose.  I am bringing myself into the moment as much as possible. I want to be present in my life, not just running on auto pilot. This is what 2012 stirred up in me, advanced action.
My tiny steps towards my ultimate destination weren’t effective. It’s time to take bigger ones. Drastic ones. Whatever comes of it is still one step further than where I am now and that is exactly what I am aiming for. Movement. Purposeful movement.
I know exactly what I want in my life. For myself, for my children.  This clarity is new for me. Maybe as I was in baby making mode and distracted by screaming colicky babies BUT whatever it is, I’m clear now.
I’m also so grateful for my hubby.  I feel like this really strengthened this past year.  He’s amazing.  I’ve known he was amazing for years but it’s easy to get distracted by what is happening in the house.  I’m making a greater effort to be just as focused on us as the kids.  It’s lead to a great year. What should be the seven year itch has been more like a  honeymooney year. It’s been awesome.
And last but not least, I’ve learned that the greatest gifts I have in my life need to know they are my greatest gifts regularly.  Anything can happen in any given moment that removes your ability to speak this truth for yourself.  We have the gift of today, let’s celebrate it.
2013…this seems so “spacey” ha ha.  Back to the Future was one of my favorite movies and this was beyond the future they traveled to ha ha!!

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Now only if I had a flying car………

Be well.

Mad luv

Happy New Year!!!

Hitting the juice…

Life has been an adventure as of late. When I think of this past year and all that has been….. well, it’s led to a lot of wine ha ha. 

October is proving to be no less eventful than all previous months. We are ten days in and five of them were spent in hospital with my 18 month old.  She’s on the mend and back at home now. So grateful!!!

Now that my little monkey and I are back at home, it’s back to my need to address something I’ve been avoiding. 

I have had IBS for just over fifteen years now. Sometimes it is a non-issue. Other times, like lately, it’s impacted my over all well being. I’m a digestive disaster. The foods I rely on for weight management are becoming a problem. I’m shooting some of what I’m eating out within the hour.

I’m in the gym when I can, moving myself as much as possible, eating healthy foods and yet it’s all in vain. When you pass it out that quick there’s little of the health benefit being utilized by the body. Some staples in my diet are actually proving more of an issue than others. Like salads. The thirty minutes of enjoyment isn’t worth the torture that follows. Same goes with pretty much everything raw. 

So, in order to get the results I am seeking, I’m trying different things. An example, juicing!

I have researched ways to heal my condition using food. I’m not a pill popper and so I’m not really interested in my Dr’s prescription. It doesn’t address the problem, just temporarily disguises it.

One major life shift is to add green juice to the daily do (the thought being remove the pulp that interferes with my digestion and maximize on the enzymes and nutrients).  My uncle was an obsessed juicer while he fought Pancreatic Cancer. I admit I didn’t jump at the chance to partake despite his many attempts. It was very, well, green looking.

Now, a year later, here I am, a green juice consumer. It tastes like I am licking the front lawn BUT I feel amazing. 

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Wheat grass, kale, spinach, parsley, celery, cucumber….
I’ve learned a few tricks to lesson the foam from the grass since this pic 🙂

In addition to this I’ve also taken out red meat ( NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO), started eating Fish. I’m still working on the fish part….and am seriously mourning the absence of beef.

In the meantime it’s just nice to be home. Our Thanksgiving was full of thanks for amazing pediatric nurses, family/friends and good food (hospital food sucks! ).

I hope that those that were celebrating also enjoyed the opportunity to give thanks to those they love. It’s not just a one time event, take time every day to celebrate those you love. You never know when the moment may come wherein you wish you had ceased moments before…

Be well,

N.

Inspiration from 2 doors down…

Every now and then we are lucky to have someone cross our path or enter into our world that becomes this fresh and meaningful source of motivation.

It was parent teacher night at the school this evening and so I bumped into several people I haven’t seen in months.  

My daughter is in a new class and has new friends. One such friend lives two doors down. The girls have been eye balling each other in a curious way for years but neither took any measures to actually say HI to one another.  Her mother and I stood near each other in the school yard at pick up time ( you know once you have that “spot” that is exactly where you will be every day for the entire year).  

There was the occasional smile and odd hello. We’d never really had any opportunity to chat.

One day out of the blue we found that first opportunity.  She was backing out of her driveway and as I walked towards her on route to pick up my daughter when she rolled down the window and asked if I wanted a ride. I didn’t even hesitate. Which completely opposes everything I tell my children to do…

In that short seven minute ride I discovered my neighbour was on a journey to lose 75lbs and reclaim her life. She was down 40 lbs before it was confirmed she has MS. She had already been working on creating a lifestyle that included strength training and walking. She knew she had already created a solid foundation for herself to work with and so she was positive about everything. That was last spring.

Fast forward to tonight and our daughters are now BFF’s sitting beside each other in grade 2. 

As I walked into the class room she stood before me speaking with the girls teacher. She looked amazing. Her skin, her smile, her energy shone through. She was glowing. I would guess she is nearing her finish line!

I am so moved by her right now.  I am guilty of making excuses for myself at times.  I know what I am capable of and yet I don’t always draw upon my abilities.   Every day there are these amazing people accomplishing amazing things for themselves one push up at a time.

I came home and worked out.  

I found my new source of inspiration….

September = time baby! The kiddos are back in school :)

Things have been so busy I forgot about my blog. I have spent some time on-line, but no where the volume I was six months ago.

“Me” time has been on the steady decline. My 6 year old and 5 year old both have social agenda’s that require my transporting/hanging with parents. I’m not complaining. It’s just so different than life was just one year ago! The result meant offline time with the kiddos over summer vacation. I will say, although I love them, I had a GREAT first day of school.

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Courtesy of Funny or Die

It’s amazing how productive I was! Back in the gym, meals cooked, snacks prepared. Amazing. I had been on vacation for two weeks leading into the Labour Day weekend. My boss suggested when I initially requested the time to add the first day of school if I’d like. It was soooo worth it.

Now that; I’m back at work, the kids have made NEW friends in addition to the existing friends, lessons for the kiddos have started, I’m working towards my CPCC as of Sept 18th which is approx 10 hrs/wk + client work….I’m feeling a bit pinched for time.

What does that do for me? Well, it seems to lead to more wine really.  By the time I get to sit down at night I find myself practically inhaling my wine. My husband and I have, post vacation mass consumption, now placed limits on ourselves during the week. I could not believe the empties pile post vaca. I’m making him take it back this time!!

My workouts aren’t as relaxing as they once were. I have such an agenda by the time I’m at the gym my one factor of stress is time. I can’t go more than 30 minutes, so every minute counts.  I’m getting in power workouts, but sometimes wish I could stay longer to stretch. I squeeze that in after the kids go down but it would be waaaaaaaaaaaay more relaxing to do so post workout.  The upside to the style of workouts I am completing in the gym is I am gaining some serious strength. My ISO Rows are back to what I once could pull prior to my baby break.  I love it.  Now only if I could actually do an unassisted pull up. I’m working on it!

Otherwise, life is good. My daughter has begun grade 2. Her tears from the discovery that none of her friends from last year were in her new class have since stopped. She has found a new friend two doors down and they are hilarious together.

My son is the big cheese in SK. I have no idea how they squeeze learning into the two milliseconds he spends in his class ( you blink and it’s pick up time ).

Rachel is now 17 months old and never stops moving. She dances, she sings. She is awesome. I love this phase.  It won’t be long now until she is as expressive of her dislikes like her siblings….

Life is pretty amazing right now. I’m trying to take time intentionally to just be with myself and my family / friends. It’s easy to let my schedule run me. It’s going to be a really heavy seven months with my course certification, my work, the famdamily…. but I’ve chosen it. So, to make it work and to create the balance I want in my life…less on-line time.

I love these moments where in I get to write. It’s one of my favorite releases. It also means, however, that I’m sitting on my butt…I should get up and move!

<3.

N.

 

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