You have Cancer, maybe, nope …what?….!

Sometimes it feels like there are no words to describe how something went down, but then as I sit here there are so many words competing to make it to this page.  Regardless of all of the intelligent possible openers the only way to start is to say Holy Shit Batman, that was a f’n emotional ride!!!

To make the back story as minimal as possible I will cut right to the chase. For just about twenty years now I have had digestive issues. I call it “tap ass syndrome” <<warning – some may find the following gross>> meaning the liquid shyte comes out as fast as water from a tap.  Medical folks call it IBS.  I have had multiple colonoscopies, endoscopies, CT scans and ultra sounds over the years. I’ve taken foods out and brought others in.  Gone on meds, off meds. Still the same result – tap ass.  It makes face to face business encounters and social eating events stressful at times but for the most part I’ve learned to manage my issue. That said, sometimes it gets in the way of everything.  Be it cramps or shooting pains or bloating like I am nearing my third trimester there are times I become, as my mum would say, utterly useless… Two weeks ago I was in agony. I could feel my insides aching and every now and then it got so intense the feeling shot down my right leg.  I woke up the Friday morning and knew something was wrong and I took myself to the urgent care centre nearby.

There are times I could complain about an emergency room encounter, however, this was not one of them. Within three hours I had been assessed, blood and urine tests completed and had a CT scan.  It was amazing. That would have taken me about half a year to acquire via my family doctor. As an example, I saw my family doctor in July and she referred me to another gastro specialist. My appointment is December 18th….

After the CT scan, however, felt like forever. You haven’t changed in the way you feel but now you don’t get to lie down. You are sitting there on a hard chair against a wall (near the clean linen rack) rammed beside others also waiting on their findings.  Usually when you are waiting in the ER they just blurt your results out for all to hear (sometimes you feel like a dumb-ass like when they tell you its just a sprain vs a break or to put polysporin on it… ) In this case, I was called away to get my results. That doesn’t happen. I also wasn’t the next in what would be the sequence we went in. Up to that point everyone pretty much got them in order of who had gone in for their scan. I was about six people away from what should have been my turn when he called me to join him down the hall.  He spoke so softly saying they found something serious. I needed to have further exploration and so I would be hearing within a day from a gastro specialist who would perform a colonoscopy immediately.  I remember staring at his glasses and listening to him say something about how I am too young for colon cancer but it was important it be addressed right away…. He then shuffled me back to where I’d just been sitting to wait for paperwork.

I felt like everyone was staring at me. They weren’t , they were inside their own heads wondering what he could have said to me, what that could mean for their results. I know my face would have revealed what I was feeling. I was shocked.  Forty has meant cancer for people I care about. Some of them are not here anymore after dying horrible cancer deaths and so using that word just as I turned forty meant it could be real…  and of all cancers it had to be my ass. If you knew some of my relatives you would know that even if it were terminal, there would be ass jokes….it’s one of they many things I love about them.

CT Scan Results

CT Scan Results

Fast forward a few days and I had my colonoscopy. I was awake this time. Not my favorite – I prefer completely unconscious with no view of my colon. One, you can feel it. Two, you can see it. I watched my colon on the screen. I think she said twenty five feet were viewed but I was on drugs, it’s a blur. Why they share so much with you when you are whacked out watching your freakishly long colon is beyond me.

Long story short – diverticulosos perhaps? I have inflammation, spasms and another label but NOT cancer. NO CANCER. Who cares about the rest? For days this was what was wearing me down…what if… what then? Everything else is manageable.

So what then does this really all mean? A wonderful woman said to me this morning that “digestive issues reflect one’s inability to digest something in their life right now.”  She knows me well.  It’s so true.

I’ve been thinking about this for days. I’ve been given this gift of time to heal right now and I’m focusing on more than just my gut.  I am making significant changes in my life.

Basically, I am claiming back my life.

I’ve spent the last few years working towards several goals and I achieved all of them. I also opened and small coaching practice which I run in addition to my full time position. I have been fortunate to connect with some amazing clients. The past few days I realized how much I have enjoyed this, and, that I do not want to continue. Although it is very rewarding work I want those hours back in my personal life. I work early mornings or evenings with my clients and although it has benefited my career, my finances, my ability to provide for my family – I’m closing my “office” doors.  I am fortunate that I love what I do by day and I am able to use all of my learning/development.  It’s either or and so I’m choosing to put the pause button on this one and to shift my time.

I want to play more. I want to take more half days off, take the kids out of school and go play together.  I want to go on more of their school trips and not feel guilty about what I’ve left behind for a day at work. It’s one day. It’s time to end all of the little stories I tell myself about why I just can’t…. yes…. I can.

I want to make the time to create the foods I need to nurture and heal myself. It’s easy to do when I am not working, it’s hard to do when I am. I want to create a better balance. Tying into this, I also need to give myself more credit for what I do accomplish. I am a driven person and I always see potential to grow / maximize / enhance.  We rarely eat anything from a box or can or picked up/out….we make fresh meals three times a day.  I have to remember to be kind to myself about what I am achieving versus the one thing I did not. Negative self talk leads to an angry ass – completely avoidable by choosing another way. I do not have to put this kind of pressure on myself.

I need to pause and ask myself if the action I am taking is one of self – love or not.  In every sense. Money cannot buy this time back. Yes it can buy awesome things like Jamaica trips and a new pool in the backyard BUT I’ve been pushing myself this way for three years and clearly my ass cannot handle it. Your body will always reveal the truth about how it has been cared for.  The key is to create a platform that, in every sense, creates a balanced life.

Sitting here now with days between all that happened what amazes me is what came to mind when I was worried about having to deal with something that could compromise my life. We are constantly reminded, sometimes a little more bluntly than other times, of all we have in our lives. When we forget or let things get in the way the universe reminds us. I’ve clearly not been paying attention and so this time it took more of a screaming effort vs a gentle nudge. It’s up to me to make this lesson stick…this one is worth it.

Be well.

N.

To be online or not to be online….

I’ve been struggling with the volume of screen time I’ve been taking as of late. I have actually caught myself ignoring live  beings to read a few news headlines or status updates. It’s so rude, I don’t tolerate it of others and yet this is exactly what I’ve been doing. Not all the time, but I caught myself today in lieu of playing with my kiddos responding to a non-urgent or relevant text. It was just joking around with a friend and I think I should have picked up the phone to chat live vs just fired off an awesomely witty one liner ( i was quite creative if I do say so myself ha ha).  I am constantly talking about being present, committing to the people in front of you. There were my kiddos waiting for me…and I was texting.

Ultimate hypocrite, that’s my deserved title.

That said, I am working on it! Tomorrow is Sunday and I’ve promised my kiddos, spouse and self that there will be no cell phones, no emails, no anything electronic. We may have a family wii battle – but that’s about it.  We have sunny skies with warm weather in the forecast, there is no reason to be indoors or online.

So why am I so freaked about being offline?

I tell my clients to log off and go play, I’m overdue in consistently taking my own advice.

GOPLAY

How much time do you commit to being offline / week?

The Social Side of Parenting. Act 1, Scene 1 (as I suspect there will be many)

My kiddos had a play date that honestly made me want to stop having kids over. It was exhausting! Not because of play or anything like that, the kids were honestly good. It was the eating part.  Things have become so complicated!

Sure, sure, there’s always that kid who won’t eat anything. This was kiddos who eat processed foods who were visiting my whole foods only house. Yes, there are treats in the house that are not wholesome, but our main food is just that – food.  They ate nothing. I made macaroni and cheese for lunch, but it was home made cheese sauce. Our guests had never had this before. They both announced they only eat Kraft and refused. No problemo I thought, I will counter offer! I offered some cheese and crackers to play it safe (or so I thought).  I pulled my cheese (cheddar) block out and showed it to the girls. They rejected. The asked for cheese squares. I offered cheese blocks of cheddar (the traveler packs) that I thought were what they meant, they announced they only eat Kraft cheese slices.

I scanned my fridge and realized I had nothing Kraft (thought maybe grandma brought over Ranch dressing or something I could use as dip).  Once upon a time yes, I was a Kraft person, that was pre-kids and pre-IBS.  I decided to by-pass what would be normal go-to’s and offered fruit. They could select one of; watermelon,apples,bananas,pears,strawberries,raspberries,oranges, cantaloupe,pineapple or blue berries. It was the day after grocery shopping, my fridge was stacked! My kids love weekend’s for just that, a fridge stacked with fruit. The younger of the two told me she only eats fruit roll ups. The elder of the two told me she doesn’t like it – any of it.  They were scheduled to hang out for three more hours.

I was so exhausted when they left as a result of worrying that they had nothing to eat all day as they continued to refute my offerings that I’m not sure if it was worth it!! Is it polite to screen a kids eating habits before offering a lunch date?  I remember being a pain in the butt when friends parents made fish dishes ( I don’t do fish – I gag it down – even now and I’m 37) but there was always an agreeable alternative.

Image
I wish I had one of these, I’d sew it on my purse!

 

I think I will stick to my son having his little boy playmates over. They eat everything and just run around all day.

Girls, exhausting……

Lessons learned along the way.

Once upon a time this had such different purpose.  Maybe I was more passionate about it or maybe it was really just that I had that extra time or drive, but I feel rather lack luster about it in comparison this time around.

I’ve taken all the same steps, followed what proved once to be successful for me in terms of staying focused and tracking successes (and lessons).  This time around, it’s very different.  I care, I sense I do indeed have passion surrounding this subject, but not PASSION.

I’m okay with not always executing things as planned.

This is not like me, not at all like me.

What I am discovering about the evolving me is that I am perfectly okay with going with what feels like I should be doing in that moment.  Not being lazy, there is a difference.  I am not okay with not executing my workout plan to sit on my ars. Arses expand with lack of mobility, that’s not what we are talking about here. I am okay with missing my workout to play with the kids. I am okay with missing my workout to sit down and have an hour lunch break with my kids or my hubby or a good friend.  I find other ways to move around all the while maximizing on the moments I have, while I have them.

This does not lead to the physical results I have longed for in the time frame I longed for.

So here’s what else I have learned, who cares.  It’s falling off, an inch or half-inch at a time. It will continue to do so until there isn’t chunks o’ post baby making chub to rid myself of….but I’m really enjoying my life right now.  I haven’t felt this satisfied with my life before.

This is something much more meaningful.  I discovered this by accident while focusing on my workouts.  My very meaningful workouts have led to another chapter in my life. A satisfied one. One where in I feel like I am living on purpose. I am doing exactly what I should be doing in the moments I sense I should be doing them.  I’m seizing moments to socialize or network when I would normally isolate myself in the gym.  I’m walking outdoors more and taking in the fresh air vs walking on the treadmill.  I feel very connected, very alive.  Very full.  My relationships are deepening as I invest my time into them. I’m focusing on my studies, my personal growth.  I’m now working from home and able to use my time to create a new balance in my life. I feel so fortunate right now.  I am realizing just how truly fortunate I am.

I sit here reflecting on my day feeling full.

Here’s the thing I love most about working out. It always leads to a deeper connection with self.  Investing time in myself leads to this sense of self love that opens  me to a new level of appreciation.  I know what I am capable of, I know I am capable of more.  Every time I set a goal for myself in my workout and achieve it ( a specific weight or rep amount for example), I KNOW I can do MORE.  We limit ourselves with our minds and I am no exception.

I’m opening my mind to more and creating more for myself in my life.  This is my commitment to self. It reaches far beyond the gym floor.

Courtesy of Google

 

A rebirth….

I saw this picture yesterday and the image has stayed with me. Not just because I; am into gardening, obsessed with growing my own organic foods / supporting organic lifestyles or because as a coach it bares such symbolism/metaphoric representation but rather just as it is so simple. It’s gorgeous.

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via Organic Green Roots on Facebook

Sitting at my office desk in the midst of my boxes ( I’m officially home based at the end of this week) I found myself just kind of staring at it. I love when people find creative usefulness to things. It reminds me how different our perspectives are on anything and everything.

Once upon a time the thought of being home all day did not inspire me. I would have found it torturous I think.  Now sitting here in this chair a midst an even larger pile of boxes, I’m so excited.  I’m creating a whole other chapter in my life, one with balance.

As a Mom it feels like sometimes I am carrying this huge load. I know my hubby feels his own weight with all that is in our household and even though they are both huge, sometimes I feel over loaded. I’ve been heavily loaded nearing over loading for a while.  I see it in him as well, he is tired looking. Worn out.

My hampers look like they are barfing out clothing.  I have piles of boxes, books, files and trinkets spewed all over what it to be my office.  I am running off to my daughter’s soccer game tonight with all 3 kiddos (hubby pulling O/T to make up for his reduced hours last week while I traveled).  I’m thinking I’m picking the kids up for lunch at school tomorrow as I am honestly really not into making any lunches tonight. I just want to park my butt on a comfortable chair. Chat with my hubby about the days we’ve both had. Have a glass of vino and pass out. I’m totally OK with this going down before 10pm too…..

In fact, I’d better get on it. It’s nearing 9…..

Be well,

N.

Mommamia

I’ve been a busy Mum these past few weeks. Summer season of kiddo sports has started, I’m shifting to working from home full-time and my hubby has been pulling some crazy hours. It’s making me tired just writing about it.

That said, it’s also so energizing to have the warmer weather here again. There’s something about the sun, a cool breeze on a warm day and the smell in the air that makes me want to move my butt even when it’s dragging on the pavement.

I’ve really been struggling. My youngest has taken to waking during the night again. I thought I had it made, but she’s reminded me I’m totally NOT in control here, she is.   My husband looks almost ill due to lack of sleep and I feel like my ass is expanding due to non-activity (it’s only been a week of this hideousness but I was on a roll and so the pause makes me feel like I’m losing my gains).

In fact yesterday I started an account on caloriecount.com and it told me I am sedentary. I thought really you f’er? I’m working my ass off here and apparently it is a sedentary attempt. I DISAGREE.  It didn’t ask about chasing a toddler or battling an attitudey kid in grade one while combatting the meltdowns my son is having. Those burn thousands of calories per millisecond in adrenaline, rage, laughter…. That’s where most of my energy is going these days!

The reason I started this account isn’t actually about calories, I feel “off”.  So I’m just logging my food to see the nutrient intake. I think I am missing something and I lack the mental power to pull it off without something else doing the calculations. Gotta love the internet and phone apps for remedies such as these!

I supplement my B12 intake heavily with Douglas Laboratories Methylcobalamin Liquid B12 as I do not absorb it.  I used to be a-ok in that regard, then I had kids and they sucked it out of me. After getting shots for a few years (which hurt and have cyanide in them), I switched to this product. Is amazing for those that may be considering.

So after one day of logging my food I haven’t found a trend. We’ll give it a few days to see what I’m not ingesting enough of and tweak it.  Oddly enough though without counting calories I am on target!! You don’t have to sweat those details when you eat REAL food.  It’s when you key in a piece of bread that your caloric count shoots through the roof – lord help you if you had a donut.

So for now, as I am sluggish, it’s been walking, short workouts on my bosu ball and using equipment at home mixed with a few workouts at the gym per week. I’m travelling for work again so booking hotels with workout facilities.  I’m not giving in OR giving up, just staying as active as I can.

What do I really want to do? Bust out a hammock, call over some chiseled young tanned eye candy bartender dude to bring me fruity cocktails while having another fine, young, chiseled bronzed man working the BBQ. I’m feeling lazy, and in need of a luxurious getaway. Ahh well, I guess that’s what dreams are for – if you can sleep!

Courtesy of Google

 

A sweaty mess….

I have a tendency sometimes to over complicate things. I get this notion in my head as to whatever it is I am obsessing about having to do and I forget the alternatives.

This applies to workouts in addition to my usual doing the do.

Last night as the hubby and I sat outside (LOVE this time of year and how amazing it is in the evenings outside) yapping about our day over a glass of vino I started to think about this mornings workout.

I opted for something a little different, something simple.

In lieu of my usual bolt to the gym, I opted to cut the grass, rake the yard and weed the garden.

I was a giant sweaty mess.

It’s not like I don’t push myself at the gym, I do.  There is something about completely failing out in my exercises that gives me instant gratification.  That said, I sweat more this morning than I would at the gym. Resistance training or cardio, it’s not at all like I was!

So I decided to calculate my caloric expenditure :

Raking the grass and bagging it: 175 calories took about 30 min

Weeding the front garden and side pathway 150 calories ( also moved soil )

Cutting the grass: 160 calories ( although it doesn’t say how big a yard this is based on – only hourly? So note rough estimates here as per above highlighted calculator)

Watering the gardens: 45 calories.

TOTAL caloric expenditure: 530 calories

VS:

Vigorous weight training as per above highlighted online calculator: 350 calories burnt.

No wonder I was so sweaty!!!!

It’s worth it!

There are so many different possibilities in terms of workouts, it just boils down to completing one.

Be well,

N.

Rest on the weekend you say? Nay I say, NAY!

Once upon a time long weekends meant doing luxurious things like sleeping, crazy amounts of binge drinking and socializing like no-one’s business.

Fast forward a decade and now, it’s all about building decks in three days.

Did we succeed? No – but damn’t we tried, and tried, and tried. I’ve got the farmer’s tans to support this labor filled effort.

Where does one begin?  The equipment we rented to reduce the workload didn’t work. After mass amounts of swearing we reluctantly resorted to old school tools. What can you do? Either give up, or keep trying. I don’t quit. In this way, my hubby and I are the same. Once our mind is made up, it will be done.  We had baby sitters lined up and there was no way we were wasting the opportunity.

As the unskilled assistant, I got the shyte job. The gas-powered auger wasn’t co-operating and so I was the post digger. My shoulders still feel seriously jacked.  WHAT A WORKOUT!   I dug out eleven post holes, then re-dug them as the f’ers weren’t big enough.

We were only able to land baby sitters for the first morning and so by noon I was back on Momma duty.  Our helpers had long weekend plans and as the forecast was so unbelievably beautiful, we couldn’t even bribe them to stay. Can’t say I blame them, curse them sure but blame them? Nope….

As Momma on duty while the baby was awake I was with the kiddos, the second she napped I became joe-handy chick with two cheerleaders following me around. Thankfully for me my youngest opted for single naps in lengthy durations. I was able to contribute and be a part of the deck-building-team.

My husband is a custom cabinet-maker.  He deals with wood.

I am a virtual trainer, personal trainer, life coach and totally useless wood worker. I was fired as joe-handy chick.  The extent of my contributions became the lumber moving assistant and dirt mover (which was ok by me as I’ve been working on my strength and this was one of those moments that proved to me my efforts are starting to show).

I was also the bartender.  Something about hot sunny days really increases ones desire to have multitude of beer. It may take a few days to deflate from all the bloating but it was worth it.

So what did I learn this weekend?

First, my marriage can survive anything! We’ve renovated a house together, landscaped together, lost a parent, experienced still birth, are dealing with his cancer and raising three monkeys in an urban jungle and even when the power tools fail or you are one board short from finishing the second set of stairs, we can spaz out completely and still laugh at one another.  I am so blessed.

Secondly, and this is a selfish moment of self praise….

I’ve realized I am STRONG enough to do these tasks.  It felt AMAZING to recognize my own power in those moments.  I don’t believe in playing gender cards and I am raising my children with the same philosophy. Work hard, empower yourself to do as much as you can and share your talents with others.    The more skills we have as individuals the more personal power we have over situations (as we become flexible beings willing to take on tasks vs shy away from them) and more natural resources to draw upon when we have things we want to do.

As I stare out my window at my unfinished deck I am feeling enormous pride. Doing things yourself and creating the home you’ve always dreamed of for yourself is very satisfying. Even though this is NOT where we will live forever , it is where we live now. We intend to live every moment to the fullest and so we enjoy investing our time and energy into creating our ultimate retreat. We have a few more weekends of seriously intense labour and then a summer of weekend “chill outs” to enjoy.

Ze deck, partially anyway...

A railing to complete, as well as, privacy wall to construct and then – voila – complete! The BBQ area will be ready to go….

I can’t wait to start building the gazebo for the bar.  That construction begins the moment the decks are complete.  We figure by July (aiming for a Canada Day celebration of no more weekend projects!), we should be able to relax on weekends and just enjoy our time with one another.

What do you like to do in your space to create your personal oasis?

Spring Fever in early March…

Although I appreciate what I am about to say puts me in the “you sound old” bracket, I’m excited. My seeds have arrived!!!!  It’s almost gardening time!

My package from Greta’s Organic Gardens has arrived and it’s time to get down to gardening business! Why Organic? So I know they are not GMO 🙂

A few years back my husband and I moved into the house we currently own ( I say currently as we intend to move one last time and really change our lives forever – details to follow).  At that time we thought this would be the house we stay in forever and so we renovated, landscaped and worked our butts off to make this our own little space ( I proudly boast I insulated the house etc. as we really did do this together for our family). One huge change for us was that we started to grow our own food. We created what we coin our “WOP” garden (my husband is Italian ha ha) with a rustic style chicken coup fence and started to see what we could produce. The first year was a disaster. We did manage to grow a few zucchini’s and cucumbers, but the rest, yeeesh. Two more  years of moderate success followed.

Last year, a HUGE improvement.  We successfully grew; carrots, swiss chard, green onions, spinach, lettuce,  beets, 2 different types of cucumbers, zucchini, hot peppers, field peppers, six spices, strawberries and three varieties of tomatoes.

Early in the summer of 2011..this is half of our garden.

This year – we’re expanding. There’s something incredible about watching your kids get excited to eat the food they grew and cared for.

So what’s on the menu this year? We’re attempting: leeks, beets, Habanero peppers,  hot Portuguese peppers,  broccoli, carrots, 2 types of cucumbers, 3 types of tomatoes, six spices, watermelon, cantaloupe, lettuce, butternut squash and last but not least, strawberries.  I can’t wait to walk out and pick out what we want for dinner.  Awesome.

We feel very fortunate to live in Mississauga, Ontario and have the space to do this.  We live in an older style pocket of homes that are small yet situated on large lots.  The trees are mature and the neighborhood is very friendly and warm.  So why leave then?

Life is meant to be more than this for us,  we feel it.

My husband and I have decided that this is the year we finish off the last of the few details of our house and we sell what was once our “dream home” and we create our   “forever home”.

We’re moving out of the “big city” and heading lakeside in a smaller but somewhat “big” city.  We have the ability to offer our kids a very different life.  We want to seize that opportunity while they are young and before things like high school and not knowing anyone become an issue. They need to lay their roots and establish their lives.

I’m so fortunate my job allows me this flexibility – I’m virtual. As long as I can log in – I’m not fired.

Part of this dream is to grow most of our food year round. We are looking to buy several acres of land, build a bungalow (with a gym room for Mom!!), a separate  workshop for my hubby ( he is a cabinet-maker/custom wood worker), a bunk-house for guests that doubles as my office for facilitating and create a much more relaxed life for ourselves. No traffic,  no commutes to work….just us in a great community living a life we’ve talked about many times (mostly over vino  –  more so as more bottles are emptied ha ha) making the most of this life we have been given.

I will share with you this…

This past November I said goodbye to not just my uncle, but one of my closest friends. He was 43. He died of cancer. He was extremely fit, ate only clean foods, worked out daily. He had a huge laugh, many friends and dreams he talked about all the time. At 41 he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I watched him struggle with the thought of leaving this life so early and without having attempted to live some of the dreams he spoke of.  He had managed to pay off his mortgage and had his savings for those dreams he dreamed of – in other words he worked hard in the hopes of tomorrow.

My uncle / friend: Dave Hurley

In the end his lesson to me was don’t wait.  Don’t talk about tomorrow when you have the gift of today.  Don’t make a list of things you dream about and leave them on a shelf – go for them. There is a way to make everything happen if you are willing to work for it, go for it and seize the moment.

He is a huge part of why I am pushing myself to be the best me. The healthiest me, the most balanced me, the adventurous me…..

If you could change your life and pursue a dream, what would it be? 

 

 

Menu mission of the week…..

I’ve been googling for a few hours now. Every now and then I go on these total research missions and tonight, well, it’s on.

My latest mission is to find recipes for cost-effective, nutritionally sound meals.  The truth of the matter  is hiring a nanny who lives out of our home is going to cost just as much as our mortgage payment and monthly household bills.  Both of our salaries are being heavily zapped for the next year and a half,  and so something has to give.  I’m totally freaked out. This has me right out of my comfort zone. Worth it, absolutely, but it’s placing me in a position I am totally not relaxed with financially.  All luxuries are out. Vino, my beloved vino, is cut back to one nice, not awesome but nice, bottle a week.  When the day comes we no longer require a nanny fine vinos are FIRST on my list to return, however, until that incredible day resurfaces, I’m cutting back on my vices ( I feel a pang of remorse and sorrow just saying it out loud).

Meat is on the chopping block.  I am an organic meats only kind of shopper.  Once upon a time I really didn’t differentiate my meats, however, things are different now. As they say, once you know you know…I know. And now I can’t eat conventional anything.  I especially have a hard time eating chicken outside of my home knowing it is not organic.  It might taste amazing, but I know now what lies within. It bothers me.  So i really have a hard time eating it and this boils over into what I will and will not feed the children.  My choice, organic meats, isn’t as cost-effective as its counterparts. So, it’s being consumed in much less quantity. 1 – 3 times per week.  So honestly, I am finding myself walking on totally unfamiliar ground. As one whose diet and that of her families was very meat focused, this is all new. It’s going to be difficult to change what the kids are accustomed to without resistance on the front line. I’ve got to come up with a plan, and find a way to win them (and myself!!!), over.

I’m noticing a trend in the healthier recipes. Eggs and fish.  I’m allergic to egg and can’t stand fish.  I’m like a big baby, I just can’t get it down.  I end up pouring ketchup all over it mentally convincing myself the texture isn’t the grossest thing ever and reminding myself “it’s good for me”.

I can’t sell it on the kids if I can’t get it down. They notice everything and question why I am not trying it when they have to “try” at least two bites.  My episode with scallops was a disaster.  The gagging, so intense the kids wouldn’t touch theirs. My husband looked destroyed. He hand wrapped them in his select bacon, grilled them to perfection and well, mom almost threw them up one bite in. Damn’t. They won’t even touch them now. They just pick the bacon off….it’s not worth it.  I’ve bought countless fish variations of not-really-fishy-fish. Regardless of how prepared I end up pouring ketchup on it and gagging it down. It’ s just not my thing, but I know it’s good for me and doesn’t cost that much when frozen (two pack of thick haddock filets $5 – that will feed all of us!).  So I hunt, continuously, for the recipe that won’t make me add ketchup and die a thousand gross deaths in front of my kids.

Unless i puree and hide various types of  beans in whatever it is I am cooking, the kids won’t eat anything other than brown beans in a tomato sauce.  Quinoa pasta is a hit, but not quinoa itself.  My daughter’s will both eat it, quinoa that is. My son will sit in protest refusing to eat it until I lose it and send him to bed (usually about two hours in to his absolute refusal to pick up his utensil and even just try it for mom).  So it becomes a giant pain the butt to serve it. I serve it anyway as it is one of those foods they will eat it “like it or not”! (LOL sound like my mother there ha ha ha) but honestly, some days, I can’t stand the chatter. A meal that isn’t resisted is somewhat peaceful / sacred almost.

Those are the meals I am trying to create, thus my google’ing like crazy tonight.

So what is a Mom to do?

Any ideas?

What home-made,  vegetarian dishes do you prepare for your little ones ?

 

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