Where did that Irie feeling go mon?

I admit it. I’m writing this hiding in my office praying for ten minutes to de-spaz.  Just a few days ago I was calm, relaxed, totally irie mon. Now, I’m shooting fire out my nostrils and forcing myself to stop and breathe. This is how busy life was before I left and it seemed okay, what’s up with the short fuse now?

My mother in law ran away when we returned from the airport. A few quick updates, you know – oops crashed the van, some issues at school and my youngest turned out to be wilder than previously imagined and then “okay see you!”, she was out. I somehow managed not to froth or be upset in any way, I understand what she was juggling at the age of almost 74. I am 39 and I get tired and want to run ha ha! Besides, I don’t like the van and am now hoping it’s close enough to total the thing. C’mon new car!

This week, albeit two days in only, has me firing off fireballs over everything. Un-eaten lunches, toilets with gifts left quite some time prior, toothpaste gobs in the sink – all have me smoking. It’s like I was never irie at all mon, which has me completely pissed off!

OH MY LORD…all the Lords actually, someone swoop in and paint me a different picture. I don’t like all this work right now. What was I thinking? I also received confirmation I am registered for the early date to attempt certification for a program I am a candidate within and it’s eight weeks away. HAVEN’T TOUCHED the material. For some reason I thought unicorns and rainbows would be waiting for me when I returned from the turning 40/overdue honeymoon/ ten years together as a couple retreat. The signals got crossed, I can’t find a unicorn and there’s no sun to make any rainbows. Where is the Caribbean Sea? What happened to the steel drums? White sand???

Maybe that’s why I am pissy – seven days of sun followed by two days of darkness and freezingness ( even the tank less hot water tank froze – WTH?) has me pissy and blowing smoke.

Whatever it is, whatever the cause my timing is (ahem as per usual when I think these thoughts) off. I had thought I’d quit wine for a while post booze-indulgent vacation. So not going to happen, in fact I should probably stop writing and go fire my hubby a “LCBO” text. He knows what that code means……

Anyone else suffering post vacation blues / reality is sucking / where oh where is the sun blues?

The Social Side of Parenting. Act 1, Scene 1 (as I suspect there will be many)

My kiddos had a play date that honestly made me want to stop having kids over. It was exhausting! Not because of play or anything like that, the kids were honestly good. It was the eating part.  Things have become so complicated!

Sure, sure, there’s always that kid who won’t eat anything. This was kiddos who eat processed foods who were visiting my whole foods only house. Yes, there are treats in the house that are not wholesome, but our main food is just that – food.  They ate nothing. I made macaroni and cheese for lunch, but it was home made cheese sauce. Our guests had never had this before. They both announced they only eat Kraft and refused. No problemo I thought, I will counter offer! I offered some cheese and crackers to play it safe (or so I thought).  I pulled my cheese (cheddar) block out and showed it to the girls. They rejected. The asked for cheese squares. I offered cheese blocks of cheddar (the traveler packs) that I thought were what they meant, they announced they only eat Kraft cheese slices.

I scanned my fridge and realized I had nothing Kraft (thought maybe grandma brought over Ranch dressing or something I could use as dip).  Once upon a time yes, I was a Kraft person, that was pre-kids and pre-IBS.  I decided to by-pass what would be normal go-to’s and offered fruit. They could select one of; watermelon,apples,bananas,pears,strawberries,raspberries,oranges, cantaloupe,pineapple or blue berries. It was the day after grocery shopping, my fridge was stacked! My kids love weekend’s for just that, a fridge stacked with fruit. The younger of the two told me she only eats fruit roll ups. The elder of the two told me she doesn’t like it – any of it.  They were scheduled to hang out for three more hours.

I was so exhausted when they left as a result of worrying that they had nothing to eat all day as they continued to refute my offerings that I’m not sure if it was worth it!! Is it polite to screen a kids eating habits before offering a lunch date?  I remember being a pain in the butt when friends parents made fish dishes ( I don’t do fish – I gag it down – even now and I’m 37) but there was always an agreeable alternative.

I wish I had one of these, I’d sew it on my purse!


I think I will stick to my son having his little boy playmates over. They eat everything and just run around all day.

Girls, exhausting……

Lessons learned along the way.

Once upon a time this had such different purpose.  Maybe I was more passionate about it or maybe it was really just that I had that extra time or drive, but I feel rather lack luster about it in comparison this time around.

I’ve taken all the same steps, followed what proved once to be successful for me in terms of staying focused and tracking successes (and lessons).  This time around, it’s very different.  I care, I sense I do indeed have passion surrounding this subject, but not PASSION.

I’m okay with not always executing things as planned.

This is not like me, not at all like me.

What I am discovering about the evolving me is that I am perfectly okay with going with what feels like I should be doing in that moment.  Not being lazy, there is a difference.  I am not okay with not executing my workout plan to sit on my ars. Arses expand with lack of mobility, that’s not what we are talking about here. I am okay with missing my workout to play with the kids. I am okay with missing my workout to sit down and have an hour lunch break with my kids or my hubby or a good friend.  I find other ways to move around all the while maximizing on the moments I have, while I have them.

This does not lead to the physical results I have longed for in the time frame I longed for.

So here’s what else I have learned, who cares.  It’s falling off, an inch or half-inch at a time. It will continue to do so until there isn’t chunks o’ post baby making chub to rid myself of….but I’m really enjoying my life right now.  I haven’t felt this satisfied with my life before.

This is something much more meaningful.  I discovered this by accident while focusing on my workouts.  My very meaningful workouts have led to another chapter in my life. A satisfied one. One where in I feel like I am living on purpose. I am doing exactly what I should be doing in the moments I sense I should be doing them.  I’m seizing moments to socialize or network when I would normally isolate myself in the gym.  I’m walking outdoors more and taking in the fresh air vs walking on the treadmill.  I feel very connected, very alive.  Very full.  My relationships are deepening as I invest my time into them. I’m focusing on my studies, my personal growth.  I’m now working from home and able to use my time to create a new balance in my life. I feel so fortunate right now.  I am realizing just how truly fortunate I am.

I sit here reflecting on my day feeling full.

Here’s the thing I love most about working out. It always leads to a deeper connection with self.  Investing time in myself leads to this sense of self love that opens  me to a new level of appreciation.  I know what I am capable of, I know I am capable of more.  Every time I set a goal for myself in my workout and achieve it ( a specific weight or rep amount for example), I KNOW I can do MORE.  We limit ourselves with our minds and I am no exception.

I’m opening my mind to more and creating more for myself in my life.  This is my commitment to self. It reaches far beyond the gym floor.

Courtesy of Google



I’ve been a busy Mum these past few weeks. Summer season of kiddo sports has started, I’m shifting to working from home full-time and my hubby has been pulling some crazy hours. It’s making me tired just writing about it.

That said, it’s also so energizing to have the warmer weather here again. There’s something about the sun, a cool breeze on a warm day and the smell in the air that makes me want to move my butt even when it’s dragging on the pavement.

I’ve really been struggling. My youngest has taken to waking during the night again. I thought I had it made, but she’s reminded me I’m totally NOT in control here, she is.   My husband looks almost ill due to lack of sleep and I feel like my ass is expanding due to non-activity (it’s only been a week of this hideousness but I was on a roll and so the pause makes me feel like I’m losing my gains).

In fact yesterday I started an account on caloriecount.com and it told me I am sedentary. I thought really you f’er? I’m working my ass off here and apparently it is a sedentary attempt. I DISAGREE.  It didn’t ask about chasing a toddler or battling an attitudey kid in grade one while combatting the meltdowns my son is having. Those burn thousands of calories per millisecond in adrenaline, rage, laughter…. That’s where most of my energy is going these days!

The reason I started this account isn’t actually about calories, I feel “off”.  So I’m just logging my food to see the nutrient intake. I think I am missing something and I lack the mental power to pull it off without something else doing the calculations. Gotta love the internet and phone apps for remedies such as these!

I supplement my B12 intake heavily with Douglas Laboratories Methylcobalamin Liquid B12 as I do not absorb it.  I used to be a-ok in that regard, then I had kids and they sucked it out of me. After getting shots for a few years (which hurt and have cyanide in them), I switched to this product. Is amazing for those that may be considering.

So after one day of logging my food I haven’t found a trend. We’ll give it a few days to see what I’m not ingesting enough of and tweak it.  Oddly enough though without counting calories I am on target!! You don’t have to sweat those details when you eat REAL food.  It’s when you key in a piece of bread that your caloric count shoots through the roof – lord help you if you had a donut.

So for now, as I am sluggish, it’s been walking, short workouts on my bosu ball and using equipment at home mixed with a few workouts at the gym per week. I’m travelling for work again so booking hotels with workout facilities.  I’m not giving in OR giving up, just staying as active as I can.

What do I really want to do? Bust out a hammock, call over some chiseled young tanned eye candy bartender dude to bring me fruity cocktails while having another fine, young, chiseled bronzed man working the BBQ. I’m feeling lazy, and in need of a luxurious getaway. Ahh well, I guess that’s what dreams are for – if you can sleep!

Courtesy of Google


Fire breathing frothy dragon face………

That pretty much describes me today! Thus my opting to work from home and save mankind from my ridiculousness. Anyone so much as breathes the wrong way and I’m snorting all over them today.  I know it’s insane, but exhaustion + PMS = fire breathing frothy dragon face Mom.  


"What did you just say?" SNORT

Thanks to my son, there was no sleep to be had in this household last night. I’m a scary woman today as a result of it. Why? Not because I am tired or frustrated (and I am, I really really am), but because I had laid out a workout that requires a little Oooomph today and I’ve got none.  It’s deflating…..as I walk down the stairs sulking feeling my belly jiggle I just want to swear, breathe fire, run and cry and then eat. Pretty much in that order….

Instead I’m going to drag ( literally) my butt outside for a walk to get moving and clear my insane head.  I’ll just hike my elasticized waist pants up a little higher to keep the belly from jiggling and play really loud music. That should help ha ha, or at least eliminate that “you aren’t doing your planned workout” feeling.  

I noticed my intense craziness last cycle as well. It’s only my second cycle postpartum and it’s totally different then it was pre-this-baby.  I bloat like I’m in my third trimester and I am totally insane. Unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before even when I was insane on birth control pills years ago (they turned me into a crazy person as well – it was better to breed then stay that way!).   I will have to find a way to channel this insanity before people run away from me.  I can’t pull off working from home every month! 

Alright, it’s time to stop venting and get off my butt (which at least is firmer these days – +1 for positive thinking vs my usual crap all over myself for not getting it done mode) and get walking.  I may not be able to pull off the leg day I had designed but I can at least get in a little cardio. 

I will feel better afterwards, and hopefully less pissy. 

What do you do on your frothy-not-so-nice-days to save mankind?



Motivation on a Monday afternoon….

I’ve just realized something……….

In 24 hours I can no longer call myself “postpartum”.


IN labour, one year ago...very very prego......

I’m now officially just fat (albeit not for long!). Ahhhhhhhhh!! I’ve loved hiding behind that term….until now.

One more reason to add in an extra set of push-up’s n’ squats in the morning…

Workin’ it on a Monday morning…

This is it, my final Monday of maternity leave. SOB MOAN WAIL. I can’t believe next week at this time I will be sitting in what will be the first day of a five-day conference marking the return to work.

I want to cry just saying it.

It’s not that I am not looking forward to working. I am full of ideas, motivation, drive…I have much to accomplish in this upcoming year.

I am going to really miss this time with my kids.   Seeing how fast they grow and who they are becoming, I want to be a larger part of it.  I’m going to be cashing in a lot of vacation days, personal days etc. to be with them when possible.  Before I know it, I won’t be cool anymore in their world and the last thing they would like to do on a day off is hang with me.  So for now, I must seize such opportunities and milk it for everything it’s worth.

On the flip side, I AM SO EXCITED to be going away for a week. Sure, sure, I will probably cry the entire car ride up and then panic about my swollen face as I enter into the conference but a week away…oh my. So awesome. I’ve missed some of my colleagues and look forward to a few glasses of wine in the evening and catching up.

Super bonus: The gym looks amazing.  I am beyond excited to be able to wake up, just take care of myself and go straight to the gym.  To top off that already luxurious moment of a morning workout…I can shower in daylight. In fact I can shower right after my morning work out. AWESOME.  These are the things I miss. Those moments. Those care-free-only-take-care-of-me moments.  I would not trade mommy-dom for anything, but if I could add one thing in – ok two – these would be it. A wake and go straight to the gym workout followed by a shower….. for next week anyway it’s on!!!

Between now and then, I have soooo much to do.

So to start my day (after nagging children to get ready for school after a week off, feeding them, nagging them to eat faster, making lunches that I should have made last night but wanted to start wine early AND tending to the baby ), I worked out.  Hard. Free weights, and my ball. That’s it. I can barely move my upper body at the moment.

It’s going to be 20 degrees celsius today IN MARCH and it has inspired me to do something about the muffin top before shorts and tank tops come back into play.

I feel pumped.

I’ve also decided to silence that voice in my head that allows me to be hard on myself or such when things don’t go as planned. I am working as hard as I can when I can. That is enough. That will lead me to success.

I found this on google and have it as my current wallpaper….

I can do this, and I will. One push up, one day at a time 🙂

Much love and thanks for your continued support,

Nikki 🙂

Is it as amazing weather wise where you are right now? Are your gardens coming alive?  My veggies are growing already…..

Reality sets in….

I had no idea post partum weight loss would be this brutal… I am having one of those days wherein I am feeling very discouraged.

The effort is there.  I know there is, as they say, room for improvement but I’m pretty impressed with myself and my committment thus far. My one calorically devastating evening vice: wine.

 I think I know where I made one key mistake in terms of my plan in SMART – “R” – realistic. The time frame I selected isn’t realistic for my life.  The program I selected (P90x), isn’t realistic for the time availability I have daily.

So I need to give myself a little more time. I’ve decided to continue the 30 day platforms. I like the photographic evidence of my transformation.  I am looking forward to seeing muscles again.  I love being able to do push ups again and look forward to being able to complete unassisted pull-ups again (still not there – pretty much just hang from the bar still BUT it WILL happen).

I have just over a week until my return to work.  I am soaking up every moment with my kids while I can. I am working out when able.  As intensely as I can using weights, my bench, my bosu and my ball.  Simple equipment, intense training.  I am thinking in my workouts again. This is something I enjoy not doing while following a DVD, however, I am enjoying mapping out my workout again.

For all the Mom and Dad’s out there currently enjoying March break, I hope it is as sunny in your yard as it is in ours.

 It makes this time together that much more enjoyable.



Bosu ball bargoooon.

Being on pogey (aka unemployment insurance) means living on a tight budget. I’ve been hunting on Ebay for a few months now for various pieces of fitness equipment and this week was one of my awesome weeks wherein my patience paid off!

I submit low bids and usually lose.  I’m OK with that as I like the win whenever it may come.  There’s something magical about announcing you finally won and that your bid was incredibly low. Thus the post ha ha, I won the bosu ball FINALLY.

At first,  sure,  my hubby mocked my online shopping habits.  I’ve been talking about various bids for month. When a package arrived it was a “now what’ kind of moment. Totally justified, I accept. I’ve become addicted to getting things as cheap as possible from wherever it may be on line.

As he stood there shaking on the platform trying desperately to balance himself and save his ego I felt a pang of satisfaction. This bosu ball was worth every penny and my hubby will be toning his core while trying to out do me. This works. This is a win win for Momma ha ha ha.

He’s exercising more than twice a week now ( the swimming is working!).  Now with tools like the bosu in the house, he’s going to be exercising just trying to one up me.

I love it.

Too fun.

What is the best buy you’ve had on equipment thus far?  Where / how did you find it??

Zut alore! Bust open the Vino!!!


We found a nanny!!! I am so relieved. I think I might actually sleep, really sleep for the first time in ages tonight.

Of course it may be as a result of the mass quantity of vino I intend to consume. Now that we found her, I’m going to be broke! Must celebrate with the good stuff before I give it up!!

I can already feel my finger nails growing back and my shoulders relaxing.  Thank all the gods for this one…..PHEW.

Wishing you a wonderful Friday!

And to all the vino drinkers out there, cheers!!!!!!



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